Constructive Confrontation

Our lives are full of accusations of hypocrisy—against politicians, companies, and each other. Yet despite this noise, little seems to change. In my new book The Hypocrisy Trap: How Changing What We Criticize Can Improve Our Lives, I stop to ask what exactly we’re accusing people of, and why that calling out feels so good. Surprisingly, the biggest threats to society can come from our accusations of hypocrisy getting out of control, turning every imperfection into a scandal and pulling our societies apart.

But the book also shows how we can use new techniques from behavioral science to get more consistent with our goals. In this excerpt, I tell the story of “induced hypocrisy,” which is a way of gently showing people how their behaviors contradict their public statements. That revelation can make people more likely to practice what they preach. This approach can work in a surprisingly wide range of settings—as long as you point out the contradictions supportively. Used well, it gives organizations a new, more respectful way to help people live up to their own commitments (including their own employees).

Of course, sometimes we can’t avoid being inconsistent. In those cases, it may actually pay to admit your inconsistencies upfront—to be an “honest hypocrite.” You get less credit to start with, but you are in danger of losing less if your hypocrisy is exposed. And that kind of exposure is particularly likely for people and organizations who campaign in support of ideals—someone can always point to some kind of gap between your rhetoric and your actions, however small. So if you’re trying to make the world a better place, admit imperfections upfront. Otherwise, people may stay silent about issues that matter, for fear of being called out as a hypocrite.

I hope this excerpt offers practical ideas for how nonprofits can talk about inconsistency, design more effective efforts to change behavior, and build the kind of trust that survives the next accusation of hypocrisy.—Michael Hallsworth

* * *

It took some time, but Ben did it. The hours spent on Facebook groups, scrolling through the latest studies, texting other parents—they’ve paid off. The campaign was successful. His daughter’s school is now going to be smartphone-free.

No more phones vibrating in pockets or hidden behind textbooks. Now they’ll be stored in lockers at the start of the day, to be retrieved at the end. No more endless silent scrolling in corridors. People will notice each other again.

The evidence he’s seen is clear: the constant distraction stops us listening, thinking, learning. Staring at a screen cuts us off from those around us.

He moves his thumb to post a triumphant message on social media. Just then, the notification pops up. You used your phone for an average of 4 hours 39 mins last week.

He clicks on Screen Time. It tells him that he picked up his phone 97 times while she was at school.

He looks up at his daughter, sitting at the kitchen table, watching him. And thinks: maybe there’s a bigger lesson here.

For Ben, it’s the Screen Time prompt that makes him suddenly realize that his smartphone use might be hypocritical. That kind of tactic has a name: “induced hypocrisy.”

First you ask someone to advocate for a cause. This could be something like the need to take action to slow climate change, or a more general principle about treating others with respect. Perhaps they sign a petition or record a video message for use in a campaign. Then you get them to think of times when they didn’t do what they just advocated for. Maybe they drive a fuel-inefficient car; maybe they were rude to a cashier while feeling stressed.

You’re making people aware of a conflict between their beliefs and their behavior. Their self-image is threatened. We want to think that we are competent and consistent people who do the right thing. If you encounter a thought that conflicts with your positive self-image, this creates an unpleasant feeling.¹ We want to get rid of this painful “cognitive dissonance” quickly.²

And how do we do that? When this tactic works, we change our behavior to bring it in line with our beliefs and attitudes. We eliminate hypocrisy by living up to our principles.

The tactic of confronting us with our hypocrisy has been used in tons of ways, from increasing compliance with Covid-19 precautions to getting schoolchildren to disrupt bullying.³ Overall, it seems to be pretty good at changing behavior in the short term.⁴

But the tactic can backfire: people often don’t like being reminded of their hypocrisy. For example, one set of shoppers in Paris were asked to sign a poster about not using plastic bags. Another set were asked to sign the poster and then also asked to remember past times when they had used plastic bags. Researchers saw that this second group ended up taking more plastic bags at the checkout.⁵

Here’s how to make success more likely. The first step works best if you align the person’s views with those other people hold.⁶ So first you need to persuade Arushi that most people think distracted driving is bad.⁷ Then you should ask her to advocate actively in a way that is both public (the video) and for a purpose (the social media campaign). That part links the behavior to our self-image, while creating a strong signal to others - the more prominent and convincing the advocacy, the stronger the signal.⁸

It’s best if you can show that the person didn’t do the exact thing that they advocated for—as we saw, the match matters. The inconsistent behavior needs to have taken place recently, so people don’t just say “I was a different person then.” Ideally, there won’t be any extenuating circumstances.

But there’s one big difference from the first step. There, more publicity is better. That’s not true here. You don’t want to expose the hypocrisy in public, since that will backfire. Confronted by loss of status, people will feel forced to defend themselves. They are more likely to justify their actions and use all the usual tactics to say they weren’t really being hypocritical.

Instead, have a quiet word with people. Be supportive. Give them a chance to change without losing face. Induced hypocrisy works if it makes hypocrites feel guilt, but backfires if they feel shame.⁹ Technology is your friend here. An Australian study found that delivering a hypocrisy message online, rather than face-to-face, was more effective at reducing smartphone use while driving.¹⁰ It’s easier to change with no one sat in front of you judging.

Applying these two steps can be enough to get people to change their behavior—at least the short term. The impact of time comes out in a study that showed children in Vietnam a short video about the importance of not eating too much sugar.¹¹ After the video, they were asked to record a summary of the video’s message that would be sent to children in other schools as a part of a campaign. They then chose a milk drink for themselves.

Compared with children who saw a transport video, the sugar group were less likely to choose sweetened milk. But there was one other group—they saw the sugar video, but then completed a questionnaire for 15 minutes, before choosing milk. Even that short delay made the video less effective at influencing their choice. More of them chose the sweetened milk.

Sometimes a one-off choice made in the moment is all you need—say you’re getting people to register to vote or donate an organ. But it might be best to think of induced hypocrisy as creating a window of opportunity. Jeff Stone, one of the creators of induced hypocrisy, told me that its value could be as a ‘teachable moment,’ when ‘you might be able to open people up to wanting to solve this problem in a serious way.’ That’s the moment we can use the tactics I’ve mentioned to lock in behavior for the long term.

Own your imperfections through “honest hypocrisy”

But maybe there are instances where you aren’t fully living up to your principles—yet. How do you talk about those cases without experiencing the chorus of disapproval that hypocrites usually attract?

Suppose you’re at dinner with friends. People have started talking about ethical shopping. Your friend Monica is making the case for boycotting fast fashion brands that exploit their workers. She says that we need to pay for what we believe in. People start nodding, carried along by her passion.

You’re nodding too, until you remember the moment last week when you saw Monica stepping out of one of those fast fashion stores, arms full of bags. You’re just about to call out her hypocrisy, when…

“I know what you’re thinking,” she says with a rueful smile. “Where did my jeans come from?”

“I’m not perfect—I don’t always live my values. It’s hard when things are so easy and cheap. I’m working on it, but I guess I’m a bit of a hypocrite.”

The room falls silent. But then Simon speaks. “You all know I’ve made the moral case against eating meat. The truth is, I still can’t quite quit bacon. I suppose I can’t call myself a vegetarian yet.” More admissions follow: a campaigner who hasn’t voted, a dentist who doesn’t floss.

By putting her inconsistency upfront, Monica dodged an embarrassing exposure. Rather than making others feel bad, she’s flagged her flaws and triggered a more constructive conversation.

That’s the power of being an “honest hypocrite.” In the language of the hypocrisy map, you weaken the strength of the signal you send. Sure, you may get less credit to start with, but you take the sting out of any accusations later.¹² Yes, you do come across as hypocritical - how could you not? But you get judged less harshly than hypocrites who build a false front that gets demolished.¹³

Yet honest hypocrisy only works if you admit that the inconsistency is a problem and you want to do something about it. Otherwise, it looks like you think that different rules should apply to you: “Yeah, I didn’t practice what I’m preaching. So what?” That’s a blatant double standard and we don’t like it.¹⁴ Or you come across like you’re still feeling pretty good about yourself, despite the admission. Monica’s statement, delivered with a smirk, could come across as a smug ploy. You could revel in your flaws, much as some people felt Boris Johnson cultivated a shambolic image. People want to see your self-image taking a hit as well.¹⁵

Empty apologies or a flippant “nobody's perfect” attitude will likely backfire. Instead, show how you regret your failings and have suffered for them. People will think you’ve earned the right to speak, even if your words are inconsistent with your past actions.¹⁶ You’ve felt bad enough; you’ve learned our lesson; you’ve paid a fair price.

Suppose your friend had an affair outside their marriage ten years ago. Now they’re advising you not to do the same. If your friend’s partner never found out, you’ll actually be less likely to listen to them than a friend who never had an affair. But if the affair was discovered, and your friend’s life fell to pieces, all this changes. They seem much less of a hypocrite, and you think they have more right to give you advice.¹⁷ Guilt and regret may erase the potential arrogance and hypocrisy of “do as I say, not as I have done.”

It can pay off to offer vulnerability and admit that you are a work in progress, rather than going for the most credit upfront. It may get you more credibility in the long run, since people can see your unprompted admission as a signal that you can be trusted.

Honest hypocrisy matters more than you think. There’s a danger that fear of being called a hypocrite leads people to stay silent about things that matter. Take climate change. There are waves of stories that slam climate advocates as hypocrites for doing anything that has any impact on the planet: buying imported fruit, traveling on a plane.¹⁸ As the activist Clover Hogan puts it:

‘I think one of the biggest barriers to more young people engaging in climate is that they feel that they have to be perfect… But actually talking about our inconsistencies… is so so important. Because we’re all inconsistent, and we can’t let our hypocrisy or our inconsistencies or imperfections prevent us from engaging. You’re not going to change the world with ten people doing activism perfectly; you’re doing to change it with millions of people doing it imperfectly.’¹⁹

So consider speaking up and owning your imperfections. It might spark a conversation about how you and others can best close the gap between aspirations and reality. You might be surprised at what a little honest hypocrisy can do.